|Hi, my name's Simeon (from a Redwall book character) but sometimes
my mom calls me "Shimmerin' Simeron'," probably because I'm so beautiful
I almost hurt her eyes.
I came to this family many years ago when I was just a fist sized kitten
and there were two old wise cats living here. Now I'M the old wise cat
and I have to say I have an appreciation of what I made poor Morgan and
Liza put up with when I arrived.
When I was a kitten boy, I was sort of naughty so I spent a lot of time
in something called Time Out. The two-leggers also call it The Bathroom.
It's my favorite room in the house, probably because I spent so much time
in there when I was little that I figured it was ALL mine! I especially
like the bathroom when my Mom is taking a shower and wants to step on the
bath mat when she's through. I like to sprawl out really long so there's
no room for her and she needs to stand on the tile. Then I meow at her
and lick the water off her legs. It's my job.
I'm in training for another job. Mom brought home a kumquat tree right
before we found out I'm a very very sweet cat. I've been busy knocking,
I mean picking, kumquat's off that tree every day since it arrived as I'm
sure that one day MinuteMaid will expand their juice line and they'll need
somebody like me to pick kumquats! I'll be ready!
I have some canine sisters in this house. Two of them are smaller than
me and one of them is just about my size. Another is bigger I think but
she doesn't stop bouncing enough for all four legs to be on the ground
at once to be sure. Mira Deara, who's not only about the same size but
also is about the same color as me, is my favorite. Sometimes we snuggle
up together and sleep. To show my appreciation for her companionship and
the fact that she doesn't stick her nose up my bum like pesky Gracie, I
bring Mira Deara dirty laundry from out of the bathroom hamper so she has
something to occupy her time while she's baby gated in the kitchen while
Mom's at work. She's refining her techniques at making crotchless skivvies
and I'm glad to help her by supplying her with materials from the hamper.
I'm sure she has a future at Victoria's Secrets or Fredericks of Hollywood.
I have always been good at grabbing things and leaping over baby gates
with them. I used to bring up all my girl's toys from her playroom in the
basement! I even did it by categories. One day I'd bring up all the cabbage
patch dolls. Another time I'd get the stuffed animals. And one time I almost
got called Einstein cuz I went and found ALL Clarity's stuffed cats and
I brought every single one of them (and ONLY them) into the living room
requiring me to leap two baby gates and climb many stairs in the process.
Before I say good bye and look for somebody to pet me, I have to say
that if you're a two-leg reading this story, I want you to consider something
Mira Deara has talked with me about. She says "Two-leggers are in charge
of the world only cuz they got opposable thumbs." And as Mira points out,
they WASTE those thumbs and their potential! Instead of spending time with
something like oh say cans of tuna and a can opener, they do perfectly
stupid things like trim nails, give baths and lately, torture my ears with
some single claw device that punctures me and makes me bleed. If you're
a two legger with opposable thumbs (and so far every one of you I've ever
met does have this trait) I urge you to return to your simpler days when
you were short and you dropped food in the presence of the four legged
members of your family. Cookies....cheese... potato chips. We liked that.
We appreciate that. We honor that sensibility. Watch my tail as it flicks
slowly back and forth....back and forth.... You are getting very sleepy....You
forget where you hid the nail clippers. You only think of the can opener.......the
can opener.......You hold life itself (and the can opener) in your hands.....You
are very sleepy.....and I am very hungry....and beautiful.......Bring me
the tuna and I'll lick your legs always.